What is With Your Wailing Baby?

Gaaaaaaaaaga!  Goooooooholo.  Aahaaaalllllo.  OOOho!

Babies make lots of noise, sometimes adorable and sometimes disturbingly loud.  With a newborn at my house, I have heard the whole gamut, from the absolutely sweet cooing to the ear splitting screech.  I have heard others say that they know what their baby wants by the cry they use.  Honestly, I thought this sounded a bit crazy, and then I started hearing the differences in her cries and began figuring it out. 

When we first brought our baby home, she didn’t really have her voice yet.  She emitted these cute little yelps and cries.  We sure thought it was wonderful!  It only took a week or so for her lungs to really start working and the decibel level raised.  My permanent headache set in along with my constant level of sleep-deprivation and I just figured it was how life was going to be with a newborn.  Then I took some time to look into why a baby cries and found some interesting things.  Crying is the main way to get attention when a baby isn’t happy about something.  As babies get older, they start learning how to use eye contact and other signals to show what they need before their language abilities begin.

There has been lots of research on baby cries and how to decipher them.  Higher pitched cries with short intervals between them are more extreme and demanding.  Many times these types of cries are trying to tell you that baby is hungry.  Cries that seem whiny or mumbled often indicate a diaper change or tiredness.  If your baby is sounding raspy or is crying a coughing bark noise, it could indicate a chest cold or sickness.  When a baby seems to be crying all the time and just doesn’t calm down, it could be a sign of something else.  Make sure to check in with your pediatrician if you are concerned about your baby and it’s cries.

Priscilla Dunstan has coined the Dunstan Baby Language System that she feels shows parents how to distinctly listen to and follow baby’s cries.  She discovered that all babies seem to make the similar sounds to express the same things.  Her findings include:

"Neh" = I'm hungry

"Owh" = I'm sleepy

"Eh" = I need to burp

"Eairh" = I'm gassy

"Heh" = I'm uncomfortable

Dunstan claims that if you listen to your baby, you can determine exactly what it needs and solve the mystery.  It all sounds magnificent, but not all babies are the same and some may create different sounds.  If a parent is only listening for these sound signals, they may miss out on what is really going on with baby.

I did some experimentation with my new baby; I figured she wouldn’t mind being a test subject.  I printed out a paper with the sounds on it, and really listened to her when she made her cries.  My husband got into it also, and one evening we got so excited thinking she was telling us this or that.  Honestly, the only sound we were able to make out was the “Neh” sound, and it seemed that she was making it all the time.

Most babies will cry for 1-3 hours a day and it can be for tons of reasons.  As a new parent, or even a second or third time parent, baby crying can be an extremely trying time and can cause frustration and even anger.  It is important to remember that if you are getting upset while dealing with a crying baby, take a time out from the situation.  Babies can get a good read from their caregiver, and if you are not feeling good about nurturing their needs, it can create a more challenging situation for all included.  Remember, it is normal for a baby to cry – don’t panic unless nothing will soothe them.

There are several great ways to calm a crying baby.  Here’s what I do at my house:

-First – if it is feeding time, we do that.  If it isn’t feeding time…..

-I check the diaper situation.  Along the way to the changing table, I try to talk to my wee one in a calm soothing voice and tell her what we are doing.  When we get to the changing table, I check the diaper and change it if needed.  I have found that the changing table is a great place to do some eye-to-eye contact and I move really close to her face and tell her some lovely things and calmly stroke her face.  I usually get a smile out of this.

-If that doesn’t work, I sit in a rocking chair and hold her tightly against my chest or over my shoulder while rocking.  I sometimes hum to her or even continue talking to her (sometimes my husband and I have a conversation over her wailing) and she calms down.  I think hearing and feeling the vibrations of my voice help to soothe her along with the movement.

-Next, if she is STILL wailing, I get out the swaddling and wrap her up and find a nice dark place for her.  I sometimes offer a pacifier at this point, but if she is really upset, she just spits it out.  By this time, I am pretty worked up also, so I leave the room.  We live in a small house, so it is really just moving about 20 feet away from her, but I take some time to sit and concentrate on something else.  She usually calms down after 15 minutes.

-I do have a total back up for the complete freaked out crying baby, and that is……a distraction!  Sometimes I blow in her face, or rub her arms. legs, or face with a cool washcloth, or I turn some music on and dance around with her and sing.  If all else fails, we load up and go for a car ride.

Babies are going to cry, there is nothing you can do to have a completely non-crying baby, but you can try to create a reliable routine for baby so they know what to expect.  If you are diligent with feeding times, nap times, and bed times, your baby will become comfortable and calm with its' surroundings and daily routine. Take the time to listen to your baby’s cry and also make sure to stay calm.  The crying will stop at some point!